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Expectations, Are you creating problems?

I recently read a post that was sent to me from another friend who wrote on the same subject several years ago. The content? Expectations. I used to adhere to the idea that if I didn't have expectations then I would not be disappointed. Yes, that still works in some situations but absolutely not all. For instance if I ask you to meet me somewhere I expect you to be there, and on time. If I make an appointment for a repair on my car, I expect them to fix it. I expect my dentist to keep my teeth healthy. I expect my hair stylist to well, style my hair. Where expectations are not welcome is when we put them on others without their permission. Conscious or unconscious. Let's take texting for example. I have just texted you and I expect you to respond in a timely manner, not only respond but react how I have in my mind already convinced myself you would. Now, you don't respond in a timely manner and when you do respond it's nothing like I imagined. The problem is I placed an expectation on you and got angry when you did not respond and you had NO idea! A better way to communicate is to say in the text that you desire a timely response and then let them respond in their way without placing your will on them. Spiritual teachers, self help authors, and Psychologists suggest that we all have contracts with each other. Written and unwritten, spoken and unspoken. It's the unwritten and unspoken ones that get us in trouble. I should not expect anyone to think like I do, act like I do, walk through life like I do and KNOW what I know. They simply can not, they are not me. Even when we express our needs be it physical or emotional if we don't have a known contract with that person they absolutely can not be responsible for your expectations of them. Now if you clearly state a need and the expectation associated with the need, now it's up to them to agree or not. Once you have an agreement, you can place the expectation on the situation but only when you have an agreement and it is clear.

It's a fine line between letting your feelings and needs be known and hoping for change, and letting your feelings and needs be known and expecting change. With that said you must be willing to walk away from the situation either way if change does not occur. It is always better to be at peace with your relationships than in conflict.

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